Intentional Living

I've been struggling lately with motivation. There are so many things that I want to do and think about doing but I allow them to sit on the back burner. Why? I don't know. I thrive on relationships and conversations with others yet I constantly feel like I am a terrible friend. I want to be that person that visibly shows concern and care for friends and family, but I always end up not doing much about it until I am with them in person. My husband always tells me that I'm a great friend that people can always count and rely on and that I do anything to keep relationships going, but now that I've had a lot of sitting and thinking time, I know that there is so much more I can do in the upkeep of my friendships and relationships. I don't really like talking on the phone, but if there's an opportunity to meet up with someone in person, I am there. I guess what I am trying to say is that I know there is so much more I can do. Perhaps I am a reliable and devoted friend, but what am I doing to go above and beyond to show my compassion and kindness to others? I know personally, if someone sends me a card or a note, I feel so blessed and cared for and loved, so why not return such favor and blessing to those I care about? Now that I don't live anywhere near my friends, I need to be much more proactive in my actions to strengthen friendships. I can't go out for coffee or have someone over for tea, so it's time to be creative and intentional.

I just visited my old roommates and friends from college and I truly felt blessed. Together, John Mark and I were able to have intimate conversations with such amazing people and great laughs all around. This past weekend reminded us of how blessed we are with the people and relationships we have in our lives which has pushed us to pray for a clearer and more defined direction in our future ministry. I think it's beautiful how God shows us things and clarifies direction through our relationships with others. I ask now that you pray for us. We are seeking after God to define a direction that we hadn't really considered.

Last week I came across Hosea 10:12 (NLT) in a blog that I follow. I believe that this verse is really defining God's direction and promise to John Mark and I:

"I said, 'plant the good seeds of righteousness and you will harvest a crop of love. Plow up the hard ground of your hearts, for now is the time to seek the Lord, and he may come and shower righteousness upon you'."

Personally, I am very stubborn and strong-willed. There is a lot of "hard ground" in my heart, but I know that NOW and ALWAYS is the perfect time to seek the Lord. God knows the future He has laid out for John Mark and I and I must continue to trust and obey so that I am following in God's will. I need to focus on the fact that I have the power to control my attitude and actions and so much of that comes with living intentionally in all that I do and coming to God completely vulnerable. I cannot change or grow until I acknowledge my own faults and failures.