This past weekend John Mark and I went to the Biltmore Estate with his family.
It was a beautiful weekend and though we were there a little early for everything to be in bloom, it was the first day of Spring on Sunday and a lovely one at that.
I was a freshman in High School when I traveled to Tennessee with my parents to watch my sister sing in Lee's Campus Choir at a local church. This is one of those "ah ha" moments for me. This was the first time I truly remember experiencing the real and live Holy Spirit moving and stirring in my heart and throughout that sanctuary. I didn't even know what was happening in me and I definitely didn't ask for it.
Before this, I never acknowledged that God moves in all places, Church or not. And, God chooses when He wants to move, not because I asked for it. At that time, I thought that God was strictly in the church and separate from the "secular" world and that Christian missionaries couldn't be radical. Was I ever wrong.
I knew there was something more than what I heard each Sunday and Wednesday since the day I can remember, but I was not intentionally seeking after my faith and certainly not seeking after God to realistically change my heart on a daily basis. I was raised in a northern independent Baptist Church. I am so thankful for that Pastor. Unfortunately, I didn't appreciate him at the time. Nothing against my parents or my church, but I failed to acknowledge that my faith could be more than the Christian foundation I grew up on. Faith is not found in the way I act, memorize Bible verses, attend church events or how I present myself to others. Growing up in the church almost led me to feel callused to religion or more so a set of rules. Little did I know that Christianity is nothing about rules and a lot about Grace. Really, I think I was tired of the church "routine." But in my heart, I truly wanted someone to intentionally lead me, mentor me, and disciple me closer to God. I had to learn on my own what I believed and it took a lot time and bitterness to learn that my faith was more than what I grew up learning in church. I found it very difficult to understand a living Creator.
I didn't understand worship in Spirit and truth, sacrifice, praise, surrender, or freedom in Christ. I didn't even know how to raise my hands in joy to a God that Created me for a purpose. A God that molded me and formed me in my mother's womb. A God that knows the number of sand on the shore and stars in the sky because He placed them there. I didn't know how to fall to my knees before the King of Kings, the Holy One. I had no personal attachment or relationship with God.
Back to 2002: For the first time, I watched and listened to this choir sing and no longer noticed the people. I simply fell into worship hearing voices like angels praising and glorifying God. I felt everything in me stirring and I stood there weeping and sobbing with an intense feeling of joy and Holy presence. I didn't talk about what I felt with anyone and was too embarrassed to search for any explanation. But when I look back on that moment, it is a specific experience in my life that I can say I know God is real, alive and working in this world and I cannot deny God moving his Holy Spirit in me. God gives his Spirit to those that believe so they have a counselor and guide each and every day. And though at times I find it difficult to fully understand, I realize that I will never completely understand God. God is all-powerful and all-knowing, and I must trust God to take control of my life. Part of that comes with trusting His Spirit to work in me, shake me, and stir my heart to be more like Him. When I find myself in fear or doubt, I think back to this moment, my first real experience of God's Spirit moving in me, and can't help but trust and have faith in the one and true God.
Not the Choir singing, but just a glimpse of God moving among them:
My childhood was greatly influenced by Circle C Ranch. Ever since I can remember, my family spent many summers visiting this camp only 15 minutes from where I grew up. Circle C is a Christian camp that takes you back to the Old West including a shoot-out every Monday morning before camp begins and a Saturday rodeo (when I was there).
I could buy all the candy I wanted at Miss Kates and spend hours improving on my four-square skills in the game room. Daily activities included meals in the Longbranch, God and I time, horseback riding, game-time, outdoor games and activities, seminars in the Chapel, Clantons vs. Daltons competitions, team building, and wild games like "Poop Deck" or "Wacky Water-balloon Volleyball" throughout the week. You name it, we did it.
I remember when it was finally my first year to be a camper. I think I was going in to 2nd grade. All my siblings had been before so I knew the "camp" routine. I could not sleep the night before in anticipation of an amazing week. I probably packed everything I owned - specifically I remember taking my firebox with very important "things" - who knows what they included. We drove up the long dirt road and a staff member would point our car toward the entrance with great enthusiasm. One of the Aarums would pull open our trunk and just start unloading everything out of the van. One summer they began to take out Dad's egg crate of jumper cables and car stuff, so it was always a joke the years to come. Then we would be taken to the basement of the Longbranch where we could check in, get our name tags and find out our counselor and cabin. I was assigned to Bell Star 1 and I think my sister Charity was in the back in Bell Star 4 that year. I became best friends with my cabin mates in that week and then pen-pals for months after - with hopes to be bunk mates the next summer. I was a camper until the 7th grade.
I always wanted to work there like my siblings, but for some reason I could never commit myself to an entire summer away, especially when I started going to basketball and field hockey camps too. The staff at Circle C always seemed to be wild, energetic, fun, caring and tireless.
But, the most life-changing part of Circle C for me was the fact that I learned that Christianity could be fun and real and passionate. It wasn't something dry or lifeless. Faith is what drives this camp to influence generations of teenagers to be on fire for God. Although it took years later to get to the point where I committed myself fully to my faith, Circle C was the first place that I can testify of walking forward in front of a crowd of adults and staff and peers to pronounce my faith in God.
Circle C is still running today. Although it is probably much different from when I was a camper, it is still so much the same because this ministry is passionate about sharing Christ with the young generation. I learned how to read my Bible productively, share the Gospel with others and to live passionately for God.
I have had a lot of free time now that I am no longer in school. John Mark and I have been married almost 3 months now and I haven't started working. We had an amazing honeymoon in Europe after the Christmas and New Year season, so personally, I feel like our honeymoon-stage really did not end until mid-January.
I have either been working full time or been in college for the last 5 1/2 years. So, rest and stagnancy was not on my side. Probably a week after our honeymoon I was already going stir-crazy, so you may be able to imagine how I feel 3 months in. I've watched a lot more TV (sadly), read a few books, and ran a lot of miles... but this past week I've really felt moved to get focused.
John Mark and I have been through a lot of difficult and challenging issues in our dating, engaged and now married season already. But we are truly learning how to pray together, seek God and be there for one another. If you do not know, we feel led to full-time ministry, so lately we've been praying for our next step in that direction. Personally, I am extremely passionate about missions, not-for-profit and humanitarian efforts, so I decided what better than to focus on the people and experiences that have so strongly influenced me in these areas. I want to go back to summer camp, freshman year of college, ministries, mission trips, conferences, organizations and mentors in order to develop a vision and focus in my own life and maybe you will be inspired too! I believe if I direct my focus toward my passion to serve others, I will be able to develop a better vision for our work and ministry.
