Listen

My reading today kind of sums up these last few months. We've been really busy. There has been a lot going on - very exciting things - but I've felt quiet spiritually and for posting on this blog especially this new year. We had an amazing time with our families over the holidays and we feel blessed in so many ways.
But when it comes to what I was feeling from God, I just haven't been sure. Together, JM and I have felt a lot of promptings for big changes for us this summer but have had no clarity as to how that would happen.

This is my understanding of Samuel 3 in response to our lives right now (specifically this week):
Now in those days, messages from the Lord were very rare, and visions were quite uncommon. - 3:1
*Rahel had not heard anything substantial from the Lord as she understands it, but knows she wants to.
The Lord called out... - 3:4
*Perhaps the Lord had been speaking to me "Rahel, Rahel"
Samuel did not yet know the Lord because he had never had a message from the Lord before - 3:7
*Rahel does not feel like she knows the Lords voice, perhaps she has never heard God directly, or she simply isn't listening.
Speak Lord, your servant is listening. - 3:9
*Here's the key. I have been uncertain of what to say. I've wanted to leave posts about God and life, but I have several drafts in my inbox I did not post. I felt it more necessary to be quiet. What does Samuel say? "your servant is LISTENING." Sometimes it's not necessary for me to speak or have something godly to say. Perhaps God has been saying, Rahel, hello, LISTEN and you'll hear my voice, my direction for you. I AM speaking to you!
I am about to do a shocking thing... - 3:11
*Rahel, listen, because I'm about to take you on a journey unexpected...

God has revealed to us very clearly this week that he is about to do something new in our lives. We've been forced to listen these last few days because we have to make a very difficult decision. Maybe instead of always trying to think of something to say, I need to start listening a lot closer. So now, it's time we really listen as God shows us what's up! I am ready to listen Lord. You got my attention!

SOMETIMES WE'RE BETTER OFF... 

Listening

FROM THE START

I knew that something was stirring in me, but I did not make enough effort to say speak Lord, I'm listening.

Josiah's Tribute Video

This video may be hard to watch for some of you that don't know the incredible story of my nephew Josiah Nathaniel. He spent is whole life (except for a few days) in the hospital as he was born with HLHS as well as some other rare heart defects. Although he never said a word, Josiah has left a huge impact in our lives and has left an amazing story that many other parents and families can relate with. I am still amazed at what his mommy and daddy did to take care of his fragile life along with our two awesome nieces. JM and I spent a lot of 2009 watching our nieces and spending our dates with Josiah in his hospital room. We happened to be in Charleston the day he went to be with Jesus on January 24th, 2010. It has been two years. I can't believe he would be a toddler right now. But the beauty in all of this is that Josiah's parents have amazing faith in God and that faith has carried our family through this extremely difficult, yet beautiful journey. Although we had Josiah for 8 months, his story will always be told.

Yesterday I was reading out of 1 Samuel 1 and the incredible mother that Hannah was. "I asked the Lord to give me this boy, and he has granted my request. Now I am giving him to the Lord, and he will belong to the Lord his whole life." - (1 Sam 1:27-28) Hannah was barren for a long time and in "deep anguish" and "crying bitterly," she made a vow with God - Lord, if you look upon my sorrow and answer my prayer and give me a son, then I will give him back to you. He will be yours his entire lifetime (1:10,11). After he was weaned, Hannah took Samuel to the Tabernacle to become a priest.

Now I am sure, by choice we would never want to give Josiah up, but we have to be faithful and trust that God still uses Josiah for His good will. Although his time here was short, we can tell the story of Josiah and the amazing work God is still doing because of his little life. We love him and miss him so much, but we have the incredible opportunity to continue to tell his story. There are so many parents and families out there questioning God through extremely difficult situations. But we know through Josiah that our HOPE is in Christ Jesus and that as children of God, we belong to an amazing Creator that promises His never failing love. That no matter how much pain and anguish we may feel, God can restore our hearts with joy that goes beyond just a feeling. It is a confident joy that only comes from knowing Jesus personally. Yes, there will always be hard days and times we question God, but only He can give us joy so that we can tell Josiah's story happily. Because if we speak out, we can reach out to others that face similar grief. So please, watch this video with joy in your heart, because we are confident that Josiah's heart is whole as he rests in the arms of Jesus!






For more about his story, please visit: www.thewilsonheart.com

We love you and miss you little buddy!

a meaningful letter

*Side note: I am only posting this letter from a friend as a reminder to myself of the Lord's perfect grace. In the fact that He perfects me in my imperfections. That in my weakness, He is strong.


...I thought of our Cambodia trip on my flight back from         and was reminded of your leadership. I want to apologize for the rudeness and harshness I had shown you. I was wrong to respond to you so cruelly, and I honor your leadership. In the midst of all of the responsibilities, you led well. You took the loads given you by life, with the sorrows and frustrations at home and at "work", and I am amazed by the resilience and wisdom illustrated in your actions. I want to thank you for bearing with the weighs, setbacks, transitions, and challenges, and I pray Christ settled you, perfected you, strengthened you afterward in His rest, as Peter promises He would. Thanks, friend, for your leading us on that difficult way, and please forgive me for making it harder and bitter. Also, I hope life at home with JM has been blessed, so glad you two were able to overcome the hurdles given to you before your wedding. God is certainly with you, friend! Blessings, grace, and peace lead you in His enduring love!
Peace,
     

          ,
I learned a lot from that trip at a high cost: leaving and feeling like a failure. I wish I could go back and do it over for all the mistakes I made as the "leader" of the team. My biggest downfall is taking criticism positively, and in marriage, I am learning a lot at how much I find myself at a defense. For some reason I take things personally and feel like I have to protect my feelings. But, really if I just take criticism with humility I can learn so much more. I think God spoke to you when we both needed it. I've been feeling frustrated in not having a job for the last year and not able to be involved in what I'm passionate about - serving others in ministry. But          , God is preparing JM and I big time for ministry. We believe He's about to throw us right in this year, this summer to be exact. But He is really doing some major things in our hearts and lives first. This message came at a time that I needed to be reminded that God has gifted me with the ability to lead (though I feel completely incapable)... therefore, I need to recognize that He is refining and molding me into the best possible leader I can be. It is only through Christ that gives me such strength. So, all this to say, your apology is a great blessing. And, I'm so grateful that God witheld it from you, because I had to learn a lot about myself before I was ready to hear it. Thank you dear friend. Safe travels and God bless you in your mission field. Please stay in touch!
Blessings,
Rahel

What a great reminder this letter is. These last few years have been significant learning years in my life; mostly about myself, but more importantly my relationship with God. I have such a strong passion to both serve and lead others [it's quite a dichotomy]. It's a hard passion to understand and requires a lot of humility and self-confidence. I feel so blessed that God has put such desires in my heart, but completely incapable of comprehending what it requires of me. And that's just it. I can only be both a leader and a servant through Christ. It is only through Christ that this is possible, if not, my pride would get the best of me. So with this letter, even in my feelings of self-doubt and failure, God uses other people to encourage us and strengthen us to continue to do His work. 

JM and I had a good talk about 2011 and our first year of marriage. It's hard to believe all that has happened [or not happened], and still this verse stands in our hearts: Romans 8:28 (AMP)

"we are assured and know that [God being a partner in their labor] all things work together and are [fitting into a plan] for good to and for those who love God and are called according to [His] design and purpose."

1 Year Anniversary

JM and I have wanted to go to the west coast for a while. We thought about going to San Francisco for our honeymoon, but we decided on a Euro-trip instead [I just realized I never posted about that - fail]. Even though our anniversary is in December, it's easier for us to get out of town after the holidays. So this year for our 1 year anniversary we still wanted to do something special and flew from our little home in northeast North Carolina across-country to the beautiful city of San Francisco! We stayed in the Days Inn in Hayes Valley, very affordable and in a beautiful area. Our favorite restaurant was the Grove in Hayes valley. We ate there on more than one occasion! We rented a car for a few days and it was the best decision we could have made. We traveled up to Napa Valley and on Sunday down to Santa Clara to visit South Bay Church - a church very dear to us that our mentors started a few years ago in the Bay area. It was a blessing to sit down and visit with the people that had a huge impact in our Christian walk. 

We walked most of the city!

Here's our trip in photos. Enjoy!

Paxti's deep dish pizza in Haye's Valley

Redwoods in Muir Woods

Coastline at Muir Beach

The one and only Golden Gate Bridge!

We were too cheap to ride the trolly, so we walked up hill instead!

JM feeling like Achilles after all our walking

 Painted Ladies [Full House]

 Visiting the Exploratorium

 View of Golden Gate from Fort Mason Green

Sourdough bread at Boudin Bakery

Little Italy

 Alamo Square Park

 Birch tree in Golden Gate Park

 The one and only Lombard Street. Of course we drove it!

 The hilly city in the mirror

 Nicholson Ranch Winery

Relaxing at the winery in Sonoma Valley

Bay Bridge near Coit Tower

Double D's

JM and I love Asheville, NC. We visit the area quite a bit. For a quite a while now I've been wanting to go to Double D's: a unique double-decker bus converted into a coffee house. For a Christmas getaway with the Redwine family, we rented a mountain house near Asheville and visited the Biltmore Estate the weekend before Christmas. There were a few Christmas gifts JM and I had yet to find, so we went on an excursion downtown Asheville and left the rest of the family behind. It was the day before our anniversary, so we jumped on the bus [get it?] and celebrated it early by taking a stop at Double D's. Here's some fun snapshots from our date night.