We are already nearing the end of our third week here. It seems like so much has happened and time has both been very fast when I think about it, yet it seems like it’s going slow as well. I have been struggling quite a bit with leaving my fiancé back home. Although we have a long distance relationship, there’s something different knowing that we are on opposite sides of the globe and that we still have 7 weeks of this adventure apart from each other globally left to go. I have to daily pray that my heart is in the right place here because I feel like I’ve left such a huge part of me back at home. But I think that personally this is a growing period for us both to learn so much more about ourselves during this time before we make our vows to spend the rest of our lives together. A lifetime together and 7 more weeks does not seem like a long time in retrospect but while we are in it, it is very difficult.
I am thankful that I can relate with my teammate Delilah and her boyfriend of 1.5 years. Delilah and I had a good chat today as we both have had a difficult time with this, but we are also thankful for what God is teaching us. I know that whenever I really feel like I’m missing John Mark, I can talk with Delilah and we can miss our men together. I’m just so anxious to be in the ministry with John Mark and it is very hard to be patient in the Lord’s timing. God has me here without John Mark for a reason and it’s my daily struggle to learn about God, learn about myself, and the people here and accept that it is the Lord’s will for me here and now.
I have been continuously reminded of Ezekiel 36:22-26 ever since I got on the plane to come here. I actually came across it on the plane, but I really believe God is trying desperately to “give me a new heart and put a new spirit in me… taking my stubborn heart and making it tender and responsive.” Boy oh boy am I stubborn. I find it so hard to rely on other people. I want to just do everything myself because I have difficultly trusting others and being confident in their work. Being a group leader has challenged me to delegate tasks and trust that they will get done. I feel like a failure so many times, but I am constantly reminded of God’s mercy even though I am so undeserving.
We have been painting the youth room at the Children’s home for the last week and a half aside from other things and it is so draining. Mind you, the youth room is the size of most fellowship halls. It’s a very large room and a very large task, but we really pray and feel like this can prompt a new stage in the youth’s relationship with God. There are probably about 40 or more students from the community and the children’s home that meet in this room for a youth service. We are planning a dedication service for the building a week from today. Please pray that this is a turning point in their lives and in their walk with God. These kids have really difficult lives yet it is so beautiful to listen to them worship and pray and I am constantly encouraged by it. They are tempted by so many things I can’t even imagine being in their shoes. But when I see them worship, their hearts are so pure. We want the encourage them to be bold in their faith outside of the walls of their youth room and to live daily in reverence to Christ. What a reminder for all of us. We put two stripes across the room that come together to make a cross and we want to explain to the students that their lives for God are not only in their relationship with him, but their relationship with this world. We’ve spent a lot of time at the children’s home including tutoring and teaching English with them, as well saying good night to them and just loving on them.
Life is so much different here, but I still feel like each and every person in the world is dealing with their own struggles and their own pain but God is so powerful and he gives us tender and responsive hearts that can find joy in all circumstances. It is so hard sometimes, but God is so capable of making this a reality for our lives. This week our professor Dr. Moodley will be here to meet with our team and check on our progress here and at the end of the week we have a two-day seminar to attend. This seminar will help teach us to better understand the psychological side of people and to better teach them accordingly. I think it will be very interesting.
God is also teaching me a lot about listening and discerning his voice. This is something I constantly struggle with - listening. I feel so childish, but God desires us to come to him like children, open to his voice and ready to soak in his every word. This time here is really challenging my relationship with God and forcing me to grow and change in my relationship with our amazing Creator. Psalm 33 has been a great passage to remind me of how awesome and beautiful our Creator is! I suggest you take the time to read it.
I think when we discipline ourselves with time with God and realize that our spirituality is in constant movement and growth, our consistency with God can influence our integrity and character in this world so that we can be used by God in the way he intended for us in this world. I have been challenged to come to God with the same anticipation and excitement that I do when I get to talk to John Mark… what a perspective.
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