Chapter 2: What are you afraid of?
“Focus on believing the promises given to us by God, on submitting to Him the fears that we have, and on surrendering ourselves fully to the work and will of God, the Holy Spirit.”
This chapter hits hard to my heart and my cry spiritually. In being completely vulnerable, I want to elaborate a little more on my current struggle with my faith. It has been nearly a year now that I have been on a seemingly flat line in my spiritual walk with God. I haven’t fallen away from God; I just feel like I have just fallen into a state of neither highs nor lows and therefore have found little growth as a Christian.
In thinking back, I realize the problem is my failure to make an effort to grow more; not because I don’t want to, rather a sense of idleness and inconsistency in my relationship with him. I have not challenged myself to search God at a level that is challenging me spiritually. I definitely am challenged scholarly on a daily basis, and emotionally, but I recognize I have for some reason been reluctant to go further in my personal walk with God. As I am writing this, I can see that there are so many things that are surely happening to me that I am failing to recognize as an opportunity for spiritual growth.
A few questions that Chan asks to consider: What if I pray for the Holy Spirit and nothing happens? What fears do I have about the Holy Spirit?
I feel as though these two questions are in direct relation to my current spiritual struggle. I am at a point where I feel so extremely distant from God that I do not even know how to pray anymore. I pray for the Lord’s direction and I feel as though I am failing to see or hear it. What fears do I have about the Holy Spirit? I think that currently my fear has been insignificance. I feel as though my failure to be consistent with God has caused me to be distant from hearing his word. But Chan makes a completely eye-opening statement: imagine how much it pains God to see his children hold back from relationship with the Holy Spirit out of fear that He won’t come through. Am I holding back in fear that he won’t come through? I don’t feel that that’s the reason I may be “holding back,” but, I do recognize I am holding back in fear that I am not able to hear his word. I can only imagine how much I am hurting God.
I just really want to grow and learn to be so tuned in God that I can learn to trust him in doing something I don’t want to do. That’s a really hard statement. I want to grow deeper in my relationship with God and at this point I believe that it will happen if I seek the word and study about the Holy Spirit. I feel that I really have not sought out an answer and understanding on a personal degree; just me and God, and I am ready to do that. Ready to set my presuppositions aside.
Another question Chan asks: Do you have enough humility to be open to the possibility that you have been wrong in your understanding of the Spirit? Don’t let your views be determined by a particular denomination or by what you’ve always been told.
Therefore, it’s time for me to seek out what God said about His Spirit. God desires to empower us through the Holy Spirit. It’s time for me to pray confidently for what God has promised. I understand that this may be a difficult, painful process that strips me of selfishness, pride, and fear; this was never meant to be easy. I believe it will be rewarding to my relationship with God.
As Chan says: Release the grip of control on my life and decide to be led. –Yikes!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment