Before this, I never acknowledged that God moves in all places, Church or not. And, God chooses when He wants to move, not because I asked for it. At that time, I thought that God was strictly in the church and separate from the "secular" world and that Christian missionaries couldn't be radical. Was I ever wrong.
I knew there was something more than what I heard each Sunday and Wednesday since the day I can remember, but I was not intentionally seeking after my faith and certainly not seeking after God to realistically change my heart on a daily basis. I was raised in a northern independent Baptist Church. I am so thankful for that Pastor. Unfortunately, I didn't appreciate him at the time. Nothing against my parents or my church, but I failed to acknowledge that my faith could be more than the Christian foundation I grew up on. Faith is not found in the way I act, memorize Bible verses, attend church events or how I present myself to others. Growing up in the church almost led me to feel callused to religion or more so a set of rules. Little did I know that Christianity is nothing about rules and a lot about Grace. Really, I think I was tired of the church "routine." But in my heart, I truly wanted someone to intentionally lead me, mentor me, and disciple me closer to God. I had to learn on my own what I believed and it took a lot time and bitterness to learn that my faith was more than what I grew up learning in church. I found it very difficult to understand a living Creator.
I didn't understand worship in Spirit and truth, sacrifice, praise, surrender, or freedom in Christ. I didn't even know how to raise my hands in joy to a God that Created me for a purpose. A God that molded me and formed me in my mother's womb. A God that knows the number of sand on the shore and stars in the sky because He placed them there. I didn't know how to fall to my knees before the King of Kings, the Holy One. I had no personal attachment or relationship with God.
Back to 2002: For the first time, I watched and listened to this choir sing and no longer noticed the people. I simply fell into worship hearing voices like angels praising and glorifying God. I felt everything in me stirring and I stood there weeping and sobbing with an intense feeling of joy and Holy presence. I didn't talk about what I felt with anyone and was too embarrassed to search for any explanation. But when I look back on that moment, it is a specific experience in my life that I can say I know God is real, alive and working in this world and I cannot deny God moving his Holy Spirit in me. God gives his Spirit to those that believe so they have a counselor and guide each and every day. And though at times I find it difficult to fully understand, I realize that I will never completely understand God. God is all-powerful and all-knowing, and I must trust God to take control of my life. Part of that comes with trusting His Spirit to work in me, shake me, and stir my heart to be more like Him. When I find myself in fear or doubt, I think back to this moment, my first real experience of God's Spirit moving in me, and can't help but trust and have faith in the one and true God.
Not the Choir singing, but just a glimpse of God moving among them:
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