a meaningful letter

*Side note: I am only posting this letter from a friend as a reminder to myself of the Lord's perfect grace. In the fact that He perfects me in my imperfections. That in my weakness, He is strong.


...I thought of our Cambodia trip on my flight back from         and was reminded of your leadership. I want to apologize for the rudeness and harshness I had shown you. I was wrong to respond to you so cruelly, and I honor your leadership. In the midst of all of the responsibilities, you led well. You took the loads given you by life, with the sorrows and frustrations at home and at "work", and I am amazed by the resilience and wisdom illustrated in your actions. I want to thank you for bearing with the weighs, setbacks, transitions, and challenges, and I pray Christ settled you, perfected you, strengthened you afterward in His rest, as Peter promises He would. Thanks, friend, for your leading us on that difficult way, and please forgive me for making it harder and bitter. Also, I hope life at home with JM has been blessed, so glad you two were able to overcome the hurdles given to you before your wedding. God is certainly with you, friend! Blessings, grace, and peace lead you in His enduring love!
Peace,
     

          ,
I learned a lot from that trip at a high cost: leaving and feeling like a failure. I wish I could go back and do it over for all the mistakes I made as the "leader" of the team. My biggest downfall is taking criticism positively, and in marriage, I am learning a lot at how much I find myself at a defense. For some reason I take things personally and feel like I have to protect my feelings. But, really if I just take criticism with humility I can learn so much more. I think God spoke to you when we both needed it. I've been feeling frustrated in not having a job for the last year and not able to be involved in what I'm passionate about - serving others in ministry. But          , God is preparing JM and I big time for ministry. We believe He's about to throw us right in this year, this summer to be exact. But He is really doing some major things in our hearts and lives first. This message came at a time that I needed to be reminded that God has gifted me with the ability to lead (though I feel completely incapable)... therefore, I need to recognize that He is refining and molding me into the best possible leader I can be. It is only through Christ that gives me such strength. So, all this to say, your apology is a great blessing. And, I'm so grateful that God witheld it from you, because I had to learn a lot about myself before I was ready to hear it. Thank you dear friend. Safe travels and God bless you in your mission field. Please stay in touch!
Blessings,
Rahel

What a great reminder this letter is. These last few years have been significant learning years in my life; mostly about myself, but more importantly my relationship with God. I have such a strong passion to both serve and lead others [it's quite a dichotomy]. It's a hard passion to understand and requires a lot of humility and self-confidence. I feel so blessed that God has put such desires in my heart, but completely incapable of comprehending what it requires of me. And that's just it. I can only be both a leader and a servant through Christ. It is only through Christ that this is possible, if not, my pride would get the best of me. So with this letter, even in my feelings of self-doubt and failure, God uses other people to encourage us and strengthen us to continue to do His work. 

JM and I had a good talk about 2011 and our first year of marriage. It's hard to believe all that has happened [or not happened], and still this verse stands in our hearts: Romans 8:28 (AMP)

"we are assured and know that [God being a partner in their labor] all things work together and are [fitting into a plan] for good to and for those who love God and are called according to [His] design and purpose."