Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Forgotten God Chapter 2
Chapter 2: What are you afraid of?
“Focus on believing the promises given to us by God, on submitting to Him the fears that we have, and on surrendering ourselves fully to the work and will of God, the Holy Spirit.”
This chapter hits hard to my heart and my cry spiritually. In being completely vulnerable, I want to elaborate a little more on my current struggle with my faith. It has been nearly a year now that I have been on a seemingly flat line in my spiritual walk with God. I haven’t fallen away from God; I just feel like I have just fallen into a state of neither highs nor lows and therefore have found little growth as a Christian.
In thinking back, I realize the problem is my failure to make an effort to grow more; not because I don’t want to, rather a sense of idleness and inconsistency in my relationship with him. I have not challenged myself to search God at a level that is challenging me spiritually. I definitely am challenged scholarly on a daily basis, and emotionally, but I recognize I have for some reason been reluctant to go further in my personal walk with God. As I am writing this, I can see that there are so many things that are surely happening to me that I am failing to recognize as an opportunity for spiritual growth.
A few questions that Chan asks to consider: What if I pray for the Holy Spirit and nothing happens? What fears do I have about the Holy Spirit?
I feel as though these two questions are in direct relation to my current spiritual struggle. I am at a point where I feel so extremely distant from God that I do not even know how to pray anymore. I pray for the Lord’s direction and I feel as though I am failing to see or hear it. What fears do I have about the Holy Spirit? I think that currently my fear has been insignificance. I feel as though my failure to be consistent with God has caused me to be distant from hearing his word. But Chan makes a completely eye-opening statement: imagine how much it pains God to see his children hold back from relationship with the Holy Spirit out of fear that He won’t come through. Am I holding back in fear that he won’t come through? I don’t feel that that’s the reason I may be “holding back,” but, I do recognize I am holding back in fear that I am not able to hear his word. I can only imagine how much I am hurting God.
I just really want to grow and learn to be so tuned in God that I can learn to trust him in doing something I don’t want to do. That’s a really hard statement. I want to grow deeper in my relationship with God and at this point I believe that it will happen if I seek the word and study about the Holy Spirit. I feel that I really have not sought out an answer and understanding on a personal degree; just me and God, and I am ready to do that. Ready to set my presuppositions aside.
Another question Chan asks: Do you have enough humility to be open to the possibility that you have been wrong in your understanding of the Spirit? Don’t let your views be determined by a particular denomination or by what you’ve always been told.
Therefore, it’s time for me to seek out what God said about His Spirit. God desires to empower us through the Holy Spirit. It’s time for me to pray confidently for what God has promised. I understand that this may be a difficult, painful process that strips me of selfishness, pride, and fear; this was never meant to be easy. I believe it will be rewarding to my relationship with God.
As Chan says: Release the grip of control on my life and decide to be led. –Yikes!!!
“Focus on believing the promises given to us by God, on submitting to Him the fears that we have, and on surrendering ourselves fully to the work and will of God, the Holy Spirit.”
This chapter hits hard to my heart and my cry spiritually. In being completely vulnerable, I want to elaborate a little more on my current struggle with my faith. It has been nearly a year now that I have been on a seemingly flat line in my spiritual walk with God. I haven’t fallen away from God; I just feel like I have just fallen into a state of neither highs nor lows and therefore have found little growth as a Christian.
In thinking back, I realize the problem is my failure to make an effort to grow more; not because I don’t want to, rather a sense of idleness and inconsistency in my relationship with him. I have not challenged myself to search God at a level that is challenging me spiritually. I definitely am challenged scholarly on a daily basis, and emotionally, but I recognize I have for some reason been reluctant to go further in my personal walk with God. As I am writing this, I can see that there are so many things that are surely happening to me that I am failing to recognize as an opportunity for spiritual growth.
A few questions that Chan asks to consider: What if I pray for the Holy Spirit and nothing happens? What fears do I have about the Holy Spirit?
I feel as though these two questions are in direct relation to my current spiritual struggle. I am at a point where I feel so extremely distant from God that I do not even know how to pray anymore. I pray for the Lord’s direction and I feel as though I am failing to see or hear it. What fears do I have about the Holy Spirit? I think that currently my fear has been insignificance. I feel as though my failure to be consistent with God has caused me to be distant from hearing his word. But Chan makes a completely eye-opening statement: imagine how much it pains God to see his children hold back from relationship with the Holy Spirit out of fear that He won’t come through. Am I holding back in fear that he won’t come through? I don’t feel that that’s the reason I may be “holding back,” but, I do recognize I am holding back in fear that I am not able to hear his word. I can only imagine how much I am hurting God.
I just really want to grow and learn to be so tuned in God that I can learn to trust him in doing something I don’t want to do. That’s a really hard statement. I want to grow deeper in my relationship with God and at this point I believe that it will happen if I seek the word and study about the Holy Spirit. I feel that I really have not sought out an answer and understanding on a personal degree; just me and God, and I am ready to do that. Ready to set my presuppositions aside.
Another question Chan asks: Do you have enough humility to be open to the possibility that you have been wrong in your understanding of the Spirit? Don’t let your views be determined by a particular denomination or by what you’ve always been told.
Therefore, it’s time for me to seek out what God said about His Spirit. God desires to empower us through the Holy Spirit. It’s time for me to pray confidently for what God has promised. I understand that this may be a difficult, painful process that strips me of selfishness, pride, and fear; this was never meant to be easy. I believe it will be rewarding to my relationship with God.
As Chan says: Release the grip of control on my life and decide to be led. –Yikes!!!
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Can you say… overwhelmed?
Well friends, I am officially overwhelmed and found myself in tears today after I tried to organize myself and my work for the next 4 months. I think this will be my hardest and busiest semester ever. I guess that’s what happens nearing a summer in Cambodia, graduation and marriage. I know that I will get through it but sometimes I am in awe in the fact that I am trying to get through school, planning an internship, graduation and my wedding all in this year. I am so grateful to be at this stage in my life and feel as though I am capable of getting through everything without too many huge melt-downs (there will always be a few), but I know that this will probably be one of the most significant years in my life and for sure so far. I really have to learn to trust the Lord, stay motivated, and avoid procrastination through all of this. But all of it is truly an incredible opportunity. I want you to read the email I received today in expectations for planning and leading my internship to Cambodia. I really don’t even know where to begin with all this…
Please pray for me and this work load. Thanks so much,
Rahel
(From our director Julie in Cambodia)
I have created a rather tentative schedule for the interns’ ten weeks. Not knowing their strengths and giftedness I have created a rather generic itinerary, knowing that there is a high probability of rewrites. I also didn’t know if you or another professor would be coming in mid-June to visit them and when they would take their break. So, all of these things need to be worked into the schedule.
There are several events/activities that they need to begin planning:
1) VBS–vacation Bible school–this will be a three-day format for four hours each day. They need to write the curriculum and create at least 2 levels of lessons for younger and older students. They must create a theme, lessons, crafts, songs, application, etc. This VBS will be recreated at least 3 times. There are three seperate sites for this VBS: Takam, Somaki, and Tonlesap. They will recreate the VBS from start to finish and the previously mentioned sites. They need to plan for 80 – 100 kids.
2) Every Thursday they will be responsible for Community Day at our children’s home. This is an outreach to the children of the community which includes singing, devotions, activities, and a feeding program. This is for 2 hours.
3) Every Tuesday they will help me with a church plant in the village of Takam. Some will alternate preaching to adults and others will teach SS lessons to children. (very basic)
4) For four weeks I will be giving them an English Intensive to teach. The interns will pair up and each pair will teach one class. Each class will meet 3 times a week for an 1 1/2 hours.
5) Every Sunday they will assist with Youth Group, teaching Sunday School, and preaching. They will need to prepare sermons, sunday school lessons, and discipleship lessons for youth and young adults.
6) We have scheduled a Youth Lockin for one weekend. They will be responsible for organizing this event. I have the curriculum for this.
7) In June we are busy with varying teams and there are several events. One is Youth Camp. The role of the interns will be counselors. The other event is Media Camp–they may or may not have a role in this event.
They will be very involved in a new ministry at the Somaki market and helping us establish that. I can’t pinpoint that on a calendar because we are in the process of starting this ministry.
On the calendar July is fairly empty, but that is because I realized I did not fit in a vacation nor did I leave space for a visit from faculty.
There is an opportunity for a Home Village Stay if anyone wants to rough it for a few days and live in a village and have a more authentic experience.
Please pray for me and this work load. Thanks so much,
Rahel
(From our director Julie in Cambodia)
I have created a rather tentative schedule for the interns’ ten weeks. Not knowing their strengths and giftedness I have created a rather generic itinerary, knowing that there is a high probability of rewrites. I also didn’t know if you or another professor would be coming in mid-June to visit them and when they would take their break. So, all of these things need to be worked into the schedule.
There are several events/activities that they need to begin planning:
1) VBS–vacation Bible school–this will be a three-day format for four hours each day. They need to write the curriculum and create at least 2 levels of lessons for younger and older students. They must create a theme, lessons, crafts, songs, application, etc. This VBS will be recreated at least 3 times. There are three seperate sites for this VBS: Takam, Somaki, and Tonlesap. They will recreate the VBS from start to finish and the previously mentioned sites. They need to plan for 80 – 100 kids.
2) Every Thursday they will be responsible for Community Day at our children’s home. This is an outreach to the children of the community which includes singing, devotions, activities, and a feeding program. This is for 2 hours.
3) Every Tuesday they will help me with a church plant in the village of Takam. Some will alternate preaching to adults and others will teach SS lessons to children. (very basic)
4) For four weeks I will be giving them an English Intensive to teach. The interns will pair up and each pair will teach one class. Each class will meet 3 times a week for an 1 1/2 hours.
5) Every Sunday they will assist with Youth Group, teaching Sunday School, and preaching. They will need to prepare sermons, sunday school lessons, and discipleship lessons for youth and young adults.
6) We have scheduled a Youth Lockin for one weekend. They will be responsible for organizing this event. I have the curriculum for this.
7) In June we are busy with varying teams and there are several events. One is Youth Camp. The role of the interns will be counselors. The other event is Media Camp–they may or may not have a role in this event.
They will be very involved in a new ministry at the Somaki market and helping us establish that. I can’t pinpoint that on a calendar because we are in the process of starting this ministry.
On the calendar July is fairly empty, but that is because I realized I did not fit in a vacation nor did I leave space for a visit from faculty.
There is an opportunity for a Home Village Stay if anyone wants to rough it for a few days and live in a village and have a more authentic experience.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Wow!!
I came back to Lee this semester nervous, refreshed, excited, overwhelmed, stressed… etc. and feel like this list could just continue on. But, I just have to say how amazed and grateful I am at the response of those who have sent and handed me support for my internship in Cambodia. I came to tears as I opened my mail from those who have graciously sent support to aid me in this incredible opportunity. God has widened my eyes and heart and totally reminded me that he is our provider and that he has placed a desire on your hearts to help me in this opportunity that is so dear to me and my call as a believer. Tonight is the first meeting for the leaders in the internships to Brasil, South Africa and myself in Cambodia. The reality of it all is really beginning to press on me heavily, but I am truly excited to take part in this awesome experience. Please continue to pray as we are beginning a strenuous preparation process and will be purchasing our tickets soon. I trust that God has full control of this opportunity and pray that we will willingly respond according to his call.
Again, my words cannot express my thanks and gratitude to you all.
Thank you!!
You have provided 2,090 of 5,000! Wow! God is good. Thanks.
Again, my words cannot express my thanks and gratitude to you all.
Thank you!!
You have provided 2,090 of 5,000! Wow! God is good. Thanks.
Forgotten God Chapter 1
Sometimes it takes a lot of reiteration for us to grasp something we’ve heard for years and something that seems as though it has been obvious for so long. But Francis Chan really hits the nail on the head in this first chapter of Forgotten God when he challenges his readers to focus on the significance of the Holy Spirit. He explains that Jesus explained to his disciples that he would send a Counselor, just like Christ (as in, the same essence, same being, same capacity) to come. In John 16:7 Jesus explains that “it is for your good that I am going away” because that way the Counselor (Holy Spirit) would be sent.
So often I find myself wishing I lived in the times of Christ so that I can experience first hand the presence and teachings of Jesus, but I have failed to acknowledge that same powerful and merciful work that is available in the Holy Spirit; the being I believe to be alive and at work in me. So often I have failed to expect and appreciate the Holy Spirit, and for that, I have missed out on the most precious part of following Christ, that bond of Spirit to Spirit. Christ claimed that it was better that the Counselor come. Boy, how I have failed to accept that. It is not that the God is not working through his Spirit in me; it is that I have ignored to recognize his presence in me. I have failed to listen, failed to trust, and failed to acknowledge significant promptings. I have been struggling for quite some time now with a spiritual distance from God and all so purely, it is obvious I am at fault.
When Christ is speaking to his disciples in Mark 4:24 he states: “Pay close attention to what you hear. The closer you listen, the more understanding you will be given” … “But for those who are not listening, even what little understanding they have will be taken away from them.” This is when they were questioning the meaning of the parable of the four soils. When I read this, I feel like so often I am not listening. I am talking, I am frustrated, I am crying to God that I may be close to him, but really… Am I listening? Am I recognizing his work?
This is a problem with the church today. Are these churches really encouraging their believers to listen to the Spirit and be at one with the Spirit, or are we worried about a gathering place that is appealing and bringing in people? Are people leaving the doors being challenged by the Spirit and challenged to communicate daily and in-the-moment with the Counselor? It is so easy to get caught up in the “prettiness” of the presence of the church, but our priority should be getting caught up in the presence of the Spirit.
The Spirit is dwelling within those that believe, but can you tell? Are believers really any different from society? Rather than being so consumed and ignited by the Spirit whom is dwelling in us, so often we chose to allow ourselves to be swallowed up in the path of acceptance from society or the complete opposite… we judge and expect society to be just like our often, unfortunate hypocritical selves.
That puts the church (those that believe, Not a building) at a very difficult position. But like Chan is convicted, it first comes down to our own personal relationship with God, who is alive and dwelling within. Chan states: “We would expect our new life with the Holy Spirit to look radically different from our old life without him.” In order to do so, it is critical to study the word and rid ourselves of any preconceived ideas about God and allow him to teach us as we listen to him. We can go into deeper communion with the Spirit and experience his power and presence, if we choose to listen and stop ignoring.
I know that I am tired of holding back. I want to grow and listen and find more understanding. I am not trying to be Negative Nancy or preach what I am sure is so obvious to most, but honestly… have we failed to truly recognize his living Spirit? This all may seem so elementary, but oh so refreshing.
So often I find myself wishing I lived in the times of Christ so that I can experience first hand the presence and teachings of Jesus, but I have failed to acknowledge that same powerful and merciful work that is available in the Holy Spirit; the being I believe to be alive and at work in me. So often I have failed to expect and appreciate the Holy Spirit, and for that, I have missed out on the most precious part of following Christ, that bond of Spirit to Spirit. Christ claimed that it was better that the Counselor come. Boy, how I have failed to accept that. It is not that the God is not working through his Spirit in me; it is that I have ignored to recognize his presence in me. I have failed to listen, failed to trust, and failed to acknowledge significant promptings. I have been struggling for quite some time now with a spiritual distance from God and all so purely, it is obvious I am at fault.
When Christ is speaking to his disciples in Mark 4:24 he states: “Pay close attention to what you hear. The closer you listen, the more understanding you will be given” … “But for those who are not listening, even what little understanding they have will be taken away from them.” This is when they were questioning the meaning of the parable of the four soils. When I read this, I feel like so often I am not listening. I am talking, I am frustrated, I am crying to God that I may be close to him, but really… Am I listening? Am I recognizing his work?
This is a problem with the church today. Are these churches really encouraging their believers to listen to the Spirit and be at one with the Spirit, or are we worried about a gathering place that is appealing and bringing in people? Are people leaving the doors being challenged by the Spirit and challenged to communicate daily and in-the-moment with the Counselor? It is so easy to get caught up in the “prettiness” of the presence of the church, but our priority should be getting caught up in the presence of the Spirit.
The Spirit is dwelling within those that believe, but can you tell? Are believers really any different from society? Rather than being so consumed and ignited by the Spirit whom is dwelling in us, so often we chose to allow ourselves to be swallowed up in the path of acceptance from society or the complete opposite… we judge and expect society to be just like our often, unfortunate hypocritical selves.
That puts the church (those that believe, Not a building) at a very difficult position. But like Chan is convicted, it first comes down to our own personal relationship with God, who is alive and dwelling within. Chan states: “We would expect our new life with the Holy Spirit to look radically different from our old life without him.” In order to do so, it is critical to study the word and rid ourselves of any preconceived ideas about God and allow him to teach us as we listen to him. We can go into deeper communion with the Spirit and experience his power and presence, if we choose to listen and stop ignoring.
I know that I am tired of holding back. I want to grow and listen and find more understanding. I am not trying to be Negative Nancy or preach what I am sure is so obvious to most, but honestly… have we failed to truly recognize his living Spirit? This all may seem so elementary, but oh so refreshing.
Monday, December 7, 2009
Winter “Break”
I’m not sure how much of a “break” this will be… there’s a lot to do!
I’ve got everything packed (I think) to head to my parents house tomorrow in Anderson for a few days. While I’m there, I’ll probably be back and forth to Greenville to help babysit my nieces because Josiah is coming home on Thursday (www.thewilsonheart.com)!! Friday I’m off to Charleston to see my fiancé and his family and Saturday we’re going to visit with our reception venue and then we’re going to see A Christmas Carol (by the Charleston stage company)!
Throughout break, I am working on an Independent Study for school on the Prison Epistles.
I want to finish reading Soul Cravings by Erwin McManus, read Forgotten God by Francis Chan, and perhaps another book.
I have to write and send out support letters to raise $5000 for my internship and make a scrapbook about Cambodia.
On Dec 17 my sister Charity graduates from grad school in Charlotte and on the 18-20 we’ll be in Boone with the Redwines.
I’ll head back to my parents for a few days and will probably visit Milo and Erin and also my grandparents in Aiken because my cousins from Cali will be in town!!
Christmas Eve afternoon we’ll be in Columbia with John Mark’s family and back in Charleston that night for the Christmas Eve service and the opening of presents.
John Mark and I will head back to my parents Christmas Day and maybe go to Aiken around that time.
We will be heading back to Boone for a CSU family reunion with 16 of us I think to celebrate the New Year!!
Probably back to my parents and perhaps John Mark’s in NC before we possibly head to NY so he can meet my extended friends and family.
I also have 2 exams for my independent study too.
Yikes, so much to do, but so much to come in this next year. I’m very excited, a little overwhelmed and will be happy when it’s all said and done!!
Merry Christmas everyone. I can’t wait to be with the people I love.
I’ve got everything packed (I think) to head to my parents house tomorrow in Anderson for a few days. While I’m there, I’ll probably be back and forth to Greenville to help babysit my nieces because Josiah is coming home on Thursday (www.thewilsonheart.com)!! Friday I’m off to Charleston to see my fiancé and his family and Saturday we’re going to visit with our reception venue and then we’re going to see A Christmas Carol (by the Charleston stage company)!
Throughout break, I am working on an Independent Study for school on the Prison Epistles.
I want to finish reading Soul Cravings by Erwin McManus, read Forgotten God by Francis Chan, and perhaps another book.
I have to write and send out support letters to raise $5000 for my internship and make a scrapbook about Cambodia.
On Dec 17 my sister Charity graduates from grad school in Charlotte and on the 18-20 we’ll be in Boone with the Redwines.
I’ll head back to my parents for a few days and will probably visit Milo and Erin and also my grandparents in Aiken because my cousins from Cali will be in town!!
Christmas Eve afternoon we’ll be in Columbia with John Mark’s family and back in Charleston that night for the Christmas Eve service and the opening of presents.
John Mark and I will head back to my parents Christmas Day and maybe go to Aiken around that time.
We will be heading back to Boone for a CSU family reunion with 16 of us I think to celebrate the New Year!!
Probably back to my parents and perhaps John Mark’s in NC before we possibly head to NY so he can meet my extended friends and family.
I also have 2 exams for my independent study too.
Yikes, so much to do, but so much to come in this next year. I’m very excited, a little overwhelmed and will be happy when it’s all said and done!!
Merry Christmas everyone. I can’t wait to be with the people I love.
I’m engaged!
Well, it happened… John Mark Redwine proposed to me on Friday, Nov 20th!! It was a bit of a restful week (other than meetings and dinners to end the semester) for me after an extremely stressful, sleepless and busy week before. On Monday, Jessi called me to go to a play on Friday with her and Erica. I didn't really ask what the play was, but I was just excited to hang out because I had been in my room busy as a bee for a few weeks straight. I told John Mark about it and he was glad I was going to do something fun.
John Mark did tell me there was a surprise for me on Friday, but I thought it was a bouquet of flowers, but there was nothing in my mail. Friday afternoon Jessi called and said, I'll pick you up at 430. We left here around 5 and on our way to Chattanooga and the play, Jessi said, "let's go to Sunset Rock, you know how to get there right Rahel?" I really didn't feel like going because the sun was already about to set and we were wearing dresses… but oddly, I didn't ask questions. We got to Sunset rock just before dusk and as we were walking down to the view, John Mark turned the corner and proposed.
It was hard for me to grasp it all because all day and all week for that matter John Mark had been lying about what he was doing (He and Jessi and Erica devised this story about the play). He told me all about his day on Friday: having a tough workout, going to work, going Christmas shopping than going over to his friend Brack's house (mind you, John Mark lives 10 hours from me). John Mark left at 4am to drive to Chattanooga and called my aunt to make plans for us to stay at her house for the weekend.
Of course, I said YES! After, I asked a lot of questions as to how he was here, with me… But it was such a surprise! I was a little saddened when I heard there was never any play. But, on Saturday we went to lunch at the Pickle Barrel, went to the art museum, got coffee and walked around the art district of Chatt, went to see a play "Screw-tape Letters" by C.S. Lewis at the coolest theatre and had Japanese for dinner (all Spontaneously)!! It was an awesome weekend with my amazing fiancé!!!
We were able to spend Thanksgiving engaged and tell our friends and family all about it.
John Mark and I became great friends second semester of our freshman year at CSU. It has been an amazing and transformational 4 years for John Mark and I. We have grown up quite a bit and learned a LOT about each other. Our entire dating relationship has been long distance other than a few months around each other here and there and every few weekends, but friends and family know we're inseparable. Truly being best friends for such an extended period of time (3 years) helped to prepare us for the long distance. We've spent many hours on the phone from several states, countries, payphones, cell phones and homes.
We are so excited to see where God takes us and are looking forward to spending this next year engaged. This is going to be an extremely busy year, but we are so ready to be in the next stage of our relationship!
Love you John Mark Redwine,
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